Ever wonder if you’re doing it right? Juggling work, relationships, friendships, personal interests, and meeting your child’s needs can be demanding. It is common to feel oversaturated with the amount of things to track and care for. There are no classes required or licenses to obtain providing confidence in parenting before bringing a new life into the world. Making it even more difficult can be the bombardment of information in books, on television, and the internet with conflicting information about how to navigating raising a healthy child. Let’s break it down into some research backed steps to help simplify being a good enough parent. It all comes down to noticing simple needs that repeat throughout a child’s life… the need to feel safe, explore, and retreat. 

We all need to feel a secure base to be able to manage stress, face challenges, explore new things. Ever have a moment of feeling scared or insecure… needing to retreat to someone or something to decide for you, intervene, take charge? This is even more true for children… they need a stable base to adventure from and a safety net that will catch them if things go wrong. This begins with having consistency in basics like food and sleep, more often than not. Children are vulnerable in a big world until they develop the skills to protect themselves. They need a caregiver to feel bigger, stronger, and wiser than they are, delivered with a dash of kindness.

Children need room to explore, grow, feel challenged. When you notice your child showing interest leaving the safety of the secure base you provide for them, they are saying they need you to support their exploration and allow them to take the lead. Keep an eye from a distance as they explore and face new things. They will glance back every now and then to ensure their safety net is still there. Find ways to delight in their courage. Help them if needed, but only enough to make the challenge obtainable. Find ways to enjoy their new adventures with them. 

Uh oh… something went wrong. Maybe the challenge was a little too tough, they didn’t succeed, or fell and got hurt. They are going to need that safety net to regain a sense of security and refill their emotional cup. In these moments, they need protection and comfort, for you to take the lead. They will often need help making sense of big emotions (e.g. fear, worry, anger). Once they feel secure in your safe haven, they will regain a sense of security and confidence to go back out and explore the world again. 

Round and round the cycle goes from an infant crawling away to a young adult leaving for college. Take a moment this week to notice where your child is; are they okay and ready for adventure or not okay and needing safety. Noticing and responding to your child in these moments about thirty percent of the time will allow them to grow up secure and ready to tackle the world as adults. Struggling with one part of the cycle or the other? Reach out for professional support to learn the skills needed to feel confident in your ability to parent in an emotionally healthy way.