The upcoming holidays can be full of fun, traditions, and festivities. With that often comes changes in routine, late nights, and a little too much excitement that may lead to an increase in challenging behaviors. With a little thought and intention, you can reduce meltdowns, so they don’t hijack the holiday fun. 

First and foremost, caring for yourself is a top priority. Your child depends on their caregivers both to meet their physical needs and help managing big emotions. When a parent is depleted, spread too thin, or overwhelmed, your child’s level of stress will increase as well. When an adult’s stress increases, they have words to express it. When a child’s stress increases, they use behaviors to communicate it. 

Find ways to keep your own cup full. If you’re running on empty, you won’t be able to help your kids stay on an even keel. Think back to previous holiday seasons and identify the triggers that increase stress for you and your child. Find ways to cut back responsibilities to allow more time for connection and playfulness. Practice saying no to activities and people that add unnecessary stress. Reflect and identify activities and practices that bring you peace and calm. Engage in these daily, or more as needed. 

Even with the best self-care, meltdowns are still possible. Understanding the anatomy of a tantrum can help any parent know how to respond in a way that reduces the intensity and duration, as well as, helps a child to improve their emotion regulation skills. 

1. Before a trigger, a child will be operating at their normal level of functioning or they may be predisposed for poor emotional regulation (i.e. rough day). Parenting supports may include classic care such as: sleep routines, nutrition, reliable routines, clear and consistent expectations… overall helping your child be the best version of themselves. 

• During the escalation phase, a child has been triggered by something. They will communicate this by increasing behaviors such as: whining, arguing, yelling, somatic symptoms (e.g. stomachaches, headaches). Help your child de-escalate by keeping yourself calm, model deep breathing, check your body language (e.g. get on your child’s level, relax your shoulders, slow your physical movements), show compassion and empathy, and notice your what your child is feeling. 

• In the dysregulation zone, a child is being flooded with biological survival reactions. At this point, the thinking part of the brain goes offline and isn’t available for problem solving, logic, reasoning. This flight-fight-freeze response may look like, screaming, hitting, kicking, throwing, etc. Helpful parenting techniques will be to ensure the safety of your child and those around him. Keep or regain your own sense of calm, take a moment to yourself, if needed. Practice healthy emotional boundaries by avoiding trying to fix the situation, rationalizing with your child, or correcting their behavior. Be with your child without too much verbal engagement. 

• In the calming down phase, a child will likely speak softer and move slower. Continue to allow them space for the body and emotions to settle while you provide a calm presence. 

• A child then returns to normal and their nervous system is re-regulated. They look and act like your “normal” kid. This is the perfect time to talk to them about what happened, what they were feeling, and give examples of how you handle big emotions. 

Holidays have the potential to be filled with moments of connection. Take time to care for yourself and your family and set limits to protect the space and energy of you and your loved ones.