Sometimes it is hard to escape the stressful events plaguing our community… pandemic, politics, social unrest, job loss, death. As a parent, it is natural to become preoccupied with a way to survive it all. We often hear that “kids are resilient” leading us to believe they aren’t as aware or affected by stressful events. Children are aware of more than we realize. Unlike adults, they do not have the previous life experience, skills, and developmental capacity to cope. There is significant long-term impact on a child that is left to figure it out on their own. Unsure of how to talk to your kids about some of these hard topics, read along for some tips.
Deciding when to talk to your child is the best place to start. Choose a time that is low stress, no one is in a rush or preoccupied with being somewhere else. Early in the day on a non-school day is often a great choice.
Take time before hand to think about your own reactions to the difficult topic. Staying emotionally calm will allow for your child to express their own experience, otherwise they may feel the need to care for your emotional needs.
Rehearse what you plan to say. Take into consideration the child’s age but also their emotional maturity. Children often benefit from short and concrete facts about stressful events. Too many nitty-gritty details or uncertainties often lead to overwhelm. Keeping it short will allow the child to process the basic point before more details are added.
Validate the child’s reactions and feelings about the topic, even if it doesn’t make sense to you or is different than your own. Sit with your child, quietly, as they absorb and react to the information. Gently help them put names on their emotions. Feeling seen and heard without judgement will allow your child to process stressful events and strengthen the parent-child relationship.
Make sure to keep the first conversation short and simple. As they go through their day and week, they will continue processing the information and everything that it means for the world as they know it. Make time to check back in with them. Provide further details as they have questions and conversations continue.
Kids build resiliency by facing hardship in bite size pieces they can master, feeling seen and heard, and being able process it with an emotionally safe adult. It helps them learn the skill of how to handle confusing and overwhelming events making them stronger and healthier adults. If you are struggling to make sense of a family or more global event, it might be a sign that your child is too. Take a few moments to check in with them. A few hard conversations can go a long way to promoting good mental health as they develop into adulthood. If you and your child are struggling to find your way through it, professional support is available.