The world has changed. Everyday life looks drastically different than it did one year ago. Many of us are feeling the effects of living in a world that feels isolated, stressful, and uncertain. We are grieving so many losses; the loss of normalcy; the loss of connection; the fear of economic toll; the loss of certainty. As adults, we often have a lifetime of experiences to remember and hold onto, to give us hope that this won’t last forever. But what about children who don’t have as many ways to cope, words to express what they are feeling, and history of experiences to fall back on. How do we recognize their loss, help them cope with their grief, and recognize when they might need help?

Grief and loss in children can show up in a variety of ways. It is rare that they come and tell a parent that they are feeling sad. Here are some other ways children express their feelings of loss:

• Irritability and anger: “this stupid remote doesn’t work”
• Tired: “I don’t want to ride my bike, I’m too tired”  
• Numbing out: “just one more show”
• Boredom: “I’m bored, there’s never anything to do” 
• Resistant to change: refusing to try new foods, difficulty adjusting back to school
• Displaced frustration: “who bought fruit loops, I only eat cereal that is yellow” 
• Need to be in control: “I’m not eating that; I’ll only eat tacos for dinner” 

Oh no! My child is feeling more loss than I realized… now what? The good news is, grief, when processed in a healthy way, can help your child life a fuller and happier life. Helping children feel supported and build the skills needed to tolerate and make sense out of painful feelings can help them feel a deeper connection, internally stronger, and boost their sense of who they are in the world. Here’s how to help:

• Help them label their emotion: “Wow, I can see your really frustrated!”
• Allow them room to express their emotion… all emotions as long as they are staying safe; sometimes words are too hard so use art, music, play, etc. 
• Listen more, talk less: it is not the time to fix it or problem solve, they just need a safe space to process what is happening 
• Validate your child’s experience without focusing too much on positivity: “It hurts a lot when you can’t see your friends” 
• Sometimes focusing too much on the positive can make a child feel more alone in their painful emotions 
• Maintain normal routines as much as possible
• Spend time helping your child make a story about what is happening: create a book, draw, tell it as a bedtime story… over and over until their story finds resolution 

Difficult times, when experienced with support of a loved one, can lead to tremendous growth and healing. What we all need most in difficult times is to feel seen, heard, and understood. If you are feeling stuck in how to help you or your child process the loss, reach out for help. Find a friend, loved one, or professional who can listen and provide support.